S E X 🤭

Sex and intimacy after kids is another challenge that I never anticipated. I would say that our sex life and intimacy diminished drastically. It's not my fault, it's not his fault; it's the hormones.

Prior to kids, we had a very exciting sex life. I won't get into the details, but we were young adults, we just had to worry about ourselves, and we had no worries in the world. After kids, I just did not want to have sex anymore. It's not because I'm not attracted to my husband, it's not because I don't like sex. It's strictly my brain not wanting to have sex. It's frustrating and of course it puts a strain on our relationship. Not to mention, trying to find the time to actually have sex or physical connection especially with 2 under 2. Sometimes, it feels like we're roommates; we miss out on that physical connection and aspect of our relationship. I have a lot of guilt towards it only because I make us feel like we're roommates. Chris does an amazing job being patient and reassuring me that it's ok that we're temporary not physically connected right now. He is understanding in the fact that I am only six months postpartum. And most importantly, he never pressures me to do anything that I don't want to do or feel like doing. One way that we try to keep the spark alive are long hugs, I know, you're thinking it's just a hug, but it so much more than just a hug. I will just stand there and hug him for the longest time possible and just absorb his energy and his love for me.

This is why communication is important especially in the postpartum phase of our journey. I have a hard time communicating my feelings, not because I don't want to, it's just because I don't like to worry people. With this round of postpartum, it was rough for everyone, everyone in the household was affected, and that added another layer of "mom guilt." I shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to have sex with husband, but yet, here we are. I should recognize that I need time to heal mentally. I don't feel confident or comfortable in my body. After giving birth back to back, the confidence that I once had, is nowhere to be found. Our bodies change so drastically and with that, our mind and hormones. It's not your fault that you're not attracted or sexually attracted to your partner right now; it's perfectly normal. We aren't meant to "bounce back" and "get over it" to appease the man. Men will never be able to go through what we go through, they will never understand what we go through. You have so much coursing through your mind that sex becomes an after thought or not even a thought at all, and that is ok.

I'm no therapist or claim to be one, I'm just speaking on what works for me: Talk to your partner about everything; how you're feeling, your current mindset/mind space, talk about the difficult things. If you're still wanting a form of intimacy without going all the way, talk to them about other ways of physical contact/connection. Be assertive in what you need and acknowledge how you are feeling. Sex does play an important role in our relationships; it helps us feel loved, closer together, and in sync. But you can still have all of that without sex. And the best part, it's not forever! You'll get back to your ways, it just may take a little longer than usual. Do not be hard on yourself and give yourself some grace. We're navigating through stormy waters right now, but I've got your back and we'll get through this together.

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